Tomorrow I am determined to get my focus back and make some real progress, in spite of (wheee! Finally!!!) bathroom window installation. Today, though, mostly involved thinking.

It’s been useful thinking though. Specifically I’ve been thinking about using tape in Lilies on the Silver Sea: I like the idea of it, and Carla’s said she’s fine with that, but I’ve been feeling more and more, each time I think about it, that the tape part idea exists merely to shield me from the prospect of writing a decent-length piece for a solo, single-line instrument. I really can’t justify it in terms of my musical ideas, so I think I need to face facts and ditch the idea. This is a piece for solo alto flute. It’s a piece for me to face my fear and deal with it. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t then hopefully Carla will let me have another go, but it’s no good adding in a part just because I’m too chicken to tackle the unaccompanied demon. That’s a guaranteed way to end up with a messed-up piece.

The other thinking I’ve done is about the insane levels of resistance I’m experiencing with both these pieces. When I’m working on them, it’s fine but I’m still really struggling to sit down and do the work. I really think this is to do with the unaccustomed way of working – both the thing with not using my usual tools and the fact that I’m working on two pieces at once. Perhaps trying to do a bit of both each day is not e best way forward, but it’s something I really want to be able to do because the more flexible my thinking, then the easier it will be to push through blocks. Thinking it might be time for me to re-read either Art & Fear or The War of Art. Or maybe it’s time to take up the many recommendations I’ve been given for Do the Work

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